When a person writes on the topic of gourmet dogs, as I do today, he probably should take care to explain whether he is writing about gourmet food for dogs or about serving dogs for some kind of bizarre gourmet dinner.
Relax. I reject the notion of dining on pets.
But when it comes to people who buy gourmet food for dogs, I question their rationality. People who buy gourmet food for dogs should be excused from the helmet laws because they have already suffered brain damage and additional protection is pointless.
I recently read in The New York Times that even more fancy foods than usual are available for pets, including foods straight off the menu of a pricey human restaurant. For instance, “pan-seared duck with brown rice and blueberry compote” or “roasted turkey with butternut squash and russet potatoes.”
Do dogs really care whether a potato is an Idaho russet?
Only if the dog is very intelligent and totally perceptive.
We are talking about snooty gourmet dishes prepared for the least fussy animals on the planet. We are talking about dogs, an animal that will gladly gulp down anything you accidentally drop on the floor – a pork chop, a cigar butt or your asthma inhaler.
This is an animal that is not the least bit snobby when it comes to food because this is an animal that has been known to eat manure – not pan-seared manure or manure compote but the real thing unadulterated and in all its natural, truly organic glory.
The pan-seared-duck crowd is selling pet food that sounds like something pet owners would enjoy, not dogs themselves. There is no mystery when selling solely to actual canine tastes what the dog would like – anything it can engulf in its slobbering lips.
Dogs are the opposite of cats in that matter. Cats are food snobs themselves. They will refuse almost everything they are offered – especially reasonably priced brands of cat food.
Showy words, such as “pan-seared” and “compote,” don’t belong in the same sentence with the word “dog.” In reality, a dog has only one favorite food – more.
What is compote anyway? To oversimplify, it’s fruit stewed in syrup, kind of a hot, runny jam to be poured over ice cream and other foods. You can pour that all over my pan-seared duck if you want.
A dog would gladly slurp down compote. Of course, a hungry dog would also gladly slurp down the bowl the meal is served in.
The oddity is that a person with the innocence to believe her poor little pooch will enjoy the same uptown food Mommy likes is not the sort of person you would expect to hang around with a garbage-can addict like a dog.
A person who wouldn’t eat bratwurst sandwiches with a vulgar, sweaty Green Bay Packers fan wants to sit down and savor pan-seared duck with a creature that wouldn’t notice the difference at dinner between pan-seared duck or a pair of dirty socks from the Green Bay locker room.
But we humans do have one thing in common with dogs (and also with pythons, among other creatures). We weren’t designed to eat three meals a day during our cave years. There were days when the hunting and gathering and fishing were overwhelmed by weather and other reversals. There were times when we went hungry.
We survived in part by porking out like a python when we did find food. We gorged, thereby storing food as fat in our bodies to carry us through the many lean days.
And that’s how Thanksgiving dinner was invented.
Contact columnist Bill Hall at wilberth@cableone.net or 1012 Prospect Ave., Lewiston, ID 83501.
New cookbooks offer hot ingredients, cool techniques
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New cookbooks offer hot ingredients, cool techniques
After an unseasonably cool spring, the summer grilling season is shaping up to be another scorcher.
Spay station visits East Pierce County
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Spay station visits East Pierce County
When beloved donkey Passado was brutally beaten to death 19 years ago, all that the three teenage boys who did it could be charged with was trespassing. In honor of Passado’s memory, Passado’s Safe Haven was founded with the goal of protecting and improving the lives of animals. In addition to housing neglected animals and a dedication to an ongoing fight for harsher punishment for animal abuse, Passado’s offers a traveling spay and neuter station, which is currently making stops in Pierce County, said Amber Chenoweth, media relations representative for Passado’s Safe Haven. “We’ve seen this overwhelming problem in Washington state. Sixty-thousand cats and dogs are euthanized a year and we just don’t think that’s okay,” she said. The spay station is working to change these statistics as it circulates through the outlying parts of Pierce County, targeting low income and homeless individuals who are not able to bring their beloved pets to metropolitan areas to receive the services that the station provides
It's tough, but sometimes you have to say goodbye
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It's tough, but sometimes you have to say goodbye
My 4-year-old son asks the same questions over and over. He knows the answers, but I think he likes to make sure I respond consistently.
D.C. needs a little more Lady and a little less Rowdy
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D.C. needs a little more Lady and a little less Rowdy
I could tell you that I come from a family of cowboys, but that’s only half the story. Our cows were milk cows. And our horses were work horses.
Whatcom foundation helps low-income pet owners cover vet bills
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Whatcom foundation helps low-income pet owners cover vet bills
If you're a low-income person with a pet that needs veterinary help, The Sergey Foundation may be able to provide at least some of the money you need.
The eight-year-old nonprofit based in Whatcom County is named for a tracking dog that received medical help after Ron McGrady of Cedarwoods Canine School spread the word. The kindness of others enabled Sergey to remain in service, and led to the creation of The Sergey Foundation.
Board member Paul Rockwell of Ferndale, a retired businessman, talked about how people can help the organization with volunteer work and contributions.
